Forwarded by Chassie & Elly Margolis
Original source unknown
1. Christmas is one day, same day every year, December 25. Jews also
love December 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies
and out for Chinese food and Israeli dancing.
Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev,
whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a
non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a
calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar,
provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress,
the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in
Florida) or other Jewish funeral home.
2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the
same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we
survived, let's eat.
3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
stereos... Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or
the collected works of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the
4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to
spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah,
Hanukkah, etc. [or Khanike -- Garry]
5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
boyfriends.Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are
relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.
6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for
Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get
to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.
7. Christmas carols are beautiful...Silent Night, Come All Ye
Faithful....Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or
having a party and dancing the hora. Of course, we are secretly
pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written
by our tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond
sing them beautifully?
8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell
of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in
festive moods. A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes,
and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking
9. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Women burn their eyes and
cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah.
Another reminder of our suffering through the ages.
10. Parents deliver to their children during Christmas. Jewish
parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight
11. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names
such as Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story
are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee, and Matta whatever. No one can spell
it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends
anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.
happy hanukah to all...